The Loss Foundation: BOOK SPOTLIGHT

Jonathan Ainsworth, a devoted doctor and husband, began experiencing stomach pain in 2019 – but like many in his profession, he put his symptoms aside.

His wife, Thelma Ainsworth, 50, recalls those early signs and the hesitation to seek help. By the time Jonathan was diagnosed with bile duct cancer in October of that year, the disease had already progressed. He died just a few weeks later, a stark reminder of how easily even those who care for others can overlook their own health.

Thelma has since channelled her grief into I Am A Wolf Tonight, the first book in her Surviving Badly series, about cancer loss and grief.

Thelma shared, “For months, even years after the diagnosis, I carried a heavy sense of guilt, feeling it was my fault – that perhaps if we had a better marriage or if I had pushed him to seek help sooner, things might have been different.” This self-blame led her to start writing raw, unfiltered notes, which eventually grew into the book.

“I realised that it was all playing out like a drama and it would actually do well to write it as a proper memoir, so I started to write it in that vein… It was this blockage inside me that I felt I needed to release.”

From Personal Loss to the Page: A Memoir Born from Grief

I Am A Wolf Tonight is a quiet, deeply personal memoir that reflects on love, sudden loss, and the long, uneven road through grief.

The book traces the quiet upheaval that followed Thelma’s husband’s illness and sudden death. In the aftermath, she finds herself reflecting on her marriage, her identity, and the shifts in her relationships with those around her.

Grief doesn’t offer answers, but it does reveal – sometimes gently, sometimes not – what’s been hiding beneath the surface.

Thelma writes with clarity and calm courage about parenting through sorrow, questioning identity, and learning to live again.

I Am A Wolf Tonight doesn’t offer easy answers – instead, it offers presence, perspective, and the strength that comes from speaking the truth of what it means to survive.

“I hope that my book is helpful for anyone who’s been in that circumstance where they’ve had to go out of their way to reveal their inner animal in order to survive.

As in Jonathan’s case, once you know that there’s something wrong, get yourself checked out as soon as possible.”

Before submitting the final draft of her book, she added a heartfelt mention of The Loss Foundation for providing the support and hope she needed when she didn’t feel ‘normal’.

The Courage to Turn Up

In a blog written for The Loss Foundation – The Courage to Turn Up – Thelma also discusses her experience of our peer support services.

“I joined The Loss Foundation on the 4th January 2020, about 9 weeks after my husband had died from cancer. I had been given a number of resources to tap into shortly after his death and I absentmindedly joined TLF, ticking it off my to-do list but doing little else. I was in the early stages of grief, still trying to make sense of what had happened.”

This initial hesitation to attend grief support sessions is something that many of us can relate to. Even those who are familiar with the importance of seeking help often struggle with the courage to take that first step. But Thelma’s journey didn’t end there. She continued:

“Although I noted the various emails that entered my inbox from TLF over the years, I paid them little mind. It was not for me – no time and besides I was doing ok now. Or so I thought.”

As Thelma approached the fifth anniversary of her husband’s death, she decided to take another step in her grief journey. She registered for a group session for those who had lost a partner to cancer. This time, her experience was transformative:

“It was a truly transformative experience to be in the presence of those who had gone through exactly what I had gone through. And who were able to listen with empathy and kindness without any sign of compassion fatigue.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Explore our grief support services, or contact the team to learn more on hello@thelossfoundation.org.